Win the Relationship

I was speaking with my wife recently and we discussed the fact that it is better to win the relationship than to win the debate or discussion. This takes place in two areas of life. want to first examine human relationships and then, briefly, our relationship with God. Let me explain.

There are areas in life that are black and white. In those areas, we need to be crystal clear. But, there are fewer of those areas than we (and I) would like to admit. And, there are areas that are less clear or require deeper thought and exploration to determine what is right.

For example, my friend and I were discussing that a church he attends (not in SOFLA) requires that you agree not to drink alcohol. His perspective is that this requirement is not biblical (and I don't disagree). To be quite honest, I get concerned when a church tries to define God's morality based upon a "yea, but, this is what could happen if....." It takes out the role of the H.S. in the believer's life. But, suffice it to say that I have been a member of a church that did not allow one to drink alcohol. I said to my friend, "if you believe this is the church God wants you at, then go there and be in submission. Then, see if you can begin to speak with those in leadership about the reasons why they have made that rule." My point was that he could win the debate (with the pastor now) or win the relationship.

As I have journeyed in life, I have realized (but make mistakes continually) that winning the relationship is more important. Because, if you win the relationship, you will have the ability to influence those you are in relationship with. If you win the debate, and have no relationship, then what is the benefit? God tells Jeremiah: "you are to influence them..." Now, in this context it was relating to the wayward children of Israel. But, the bigger lesson is clear for all of us -- influence. We are to influence others, but this comes in the context of relationship. This is why I say it is better to win the relationship than the discussion. It is much harder to develop and nurture a relationship. Nonetheless, if you truly want to help people and be helped, choose relationship.

It is much simpler and yet more difficult in our relationship with God. Many times, we have no answers for the "why" and we are left with exercising faith in his promises or his principles, which is difficult. In fact, all God wants us to do is agree with him.

In Mark 12:28-34, Jesus is asked what is the most important commandment, and he responds with the most important commandment(s). What is interesting to me, though, is that after Jesus spoke, the scribe commended Jesus and agreed with what Jesus said simply repeating Jesus' words. Then, this is written, "When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God."

Amazing! The scribe's "wise" answer was to simply agree with Jesus and Jesus gave him the answer! Could it be any simpler? Agree with the answer God has already given on the subject. And, yet, for most of us, the simple is very hard -- not easy. The reality is that many times we don't like the answer -- I know I don't. But, if we want lasting peace in our lives and we want God's best, then in any area of our lives, we will simply agree with him.

Having a challenge with a person or trying to help someone understand an issue from your perspective? Choose relationship, which leads to influence.

Having a challenge deciding what is best to do for your life? Agree with God.